Backward

One of the things I’d hoped when I chose my “motion” as my word for 2011 was that the motion would all be forward. Unfortunately, that’s not the ways that the winds of the universe always blow. I’m 43, I should have known better. Two steps forward, one back. One forward, two back. Sometimes just several back. No matter how many times it happens, I still manage to be surprised. Go me.

**sigh**

The past couple of months haven’t been particularly forward. Dave’s mom is really sick. His business is new and has “growing pains.” My 16-year-old cat is dying of cancer. We’re broke (even the apocalypse money is gone). My grandpa-in-law died. Our washer died. Death and dying seem to be our constant companions lately. Add to that my newly launched website that garnered two nibbles out of the many actual agency contacts I hit.

**sigh**

Some of my stroke issues are back and there are some new ones, too. So even if I did actually get a client, I wouldn’t really be able to do the job. Photophobia so I can’t look at my computer screen for too long, migraines, exhaustion, dyslexia, typing skills down the tubes, and lots more wonderful things. The sadness leads to me changing up my daily rituals, like long baths and shivanata, which then screw with the rest of my day. And the cat is too weak to go get food, so I bring him little snacks every couple of hours.

Though I get that without the downs we wouldn’t appreciate the ups, I think we’re due some good news. We did actually get some today, but I’m so stuck in the sadness rut that I could barely muster a smile.

Bunners are coming for a barbecue tonight, which should be very fun. And I can always hope that tomorrow will be better. Hope is a good thing. Sometimes it’s the only thing.

Comment notes: I’m just venting here, I’m not begging for sympathy. But if there’s been a period in your life where everything seemed to be heading the wrong way, I’d love to hear about it and what you did to reverse the flow.

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